MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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