worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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