This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
