My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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