giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
