where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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