2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
