If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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