apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I stole a fireplace last night.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
