If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
