hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I deserve this hangover.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
