Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
