i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
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