these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
