lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dignity is for republicans.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
