your room smells of hookers.
And success
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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