literally had 100 drinks last night.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
