I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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