He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
