She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
