You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
