i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
