I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
