I feel great
I just peed on a car
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
