standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
