i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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