I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
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