Need sex. Gaining weight.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
