I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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