was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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