i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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