Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
