I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
