im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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