He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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