Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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