I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
