youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
