She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
