better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
