PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
