I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I wish I could teleport
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
