I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
