2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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