How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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