upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
