Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
