I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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