the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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