we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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