At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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