We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
