theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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