He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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