well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
